


Unforgiven

by YumeArashi



Category: Matantei Loki Ragnarok | Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
Genre: Angst, Gen, Penance - Freeform, Post-Canon, Regret, Revenge, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2013-01-20
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:43:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the series, Loki seeks out Heimdall, hoping for reconciliation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unforgiven

To say that Heimdall is displeased to answer his door and find Loki on his doorstep is an understatement.  Naturally, he scowls fiercely at his visitor.  “What do you want?”

The trickster god is not deterred by the cold reception, his expression unusually serious.  “To talk.” 

“I have nothing to say to you.”  The door begins to shut.

“Then just listen.”

A purple eyebrow arches.  “Why should I?”

“Because this is pointless.  How long do you plan to keep hating me?”

A thin smile.  “How long do you plan to exist?”

“Forever is a very long time to hate someone.”

One scarlet eye narrows.  “You are irritating me.  Get to the point or get out.”

“Heimdall, don’t you remember any of what I said to you on Bifrost?”

“I remember.”

“Then why are you still being this way?  You know that what I said is true, even if you don’t want to acknowledge it.”

“Because what you said makes no difference.”

Green eyes widen in astonishment.  “How can you say that?  How can you not care that Odin’s the one who has your eye?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re the one who took it from me.  Did you really think that if you gave it back all would be forgiven and forgotten so easily?”

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You did hurt me.”

“I had no choice!”

“You think that matters to me?  You still betrayed me.”

“Does it mean nothing to you that I regret what I did?  If it’s an apology you want, it’s yours.”  The usually-smooth voice is fraying with exasperation.

“Saying you’re sorry now won’t make right what you did to me, even if I believed you.”

“And revenge will?”

“You don’t understand, do you?  There is nothing that can make it right.  Not apologies, not revenge, not regret.  Revenge may ease my pain, but there’s no power in all the worlds that can restore what you destroyed that day.”

“And what is that?”

“My innocence.  We may not have been friends, but I still trusted you.  And you took that and betrayed and hurt and violated me.  When you can understand what I felt that day, you can ask my forgiveness then.”

Loki’s eyes close briefly in pain, his voice soft and sorrowful.  “If I thought I deserved your forgiveness, I’d ask for it, and I’m not going to.  But I understand more than you might think.  You think I’ve forgotten the look in your eyes when I bound you?  When you realized what I was about to do?  You think I don’t remember your screams?  I can’t forget what I relive in my nightmares every day.”  He turns away, and his next words are very quiet.  “Sometimes you’re not the only one who hates me for what I did.”

“You can’t possibly expect me to feel even the slightest shred of pity for you.”

“I don’t want your pity, I want you to understand.  Maybe my apology doesn’t make right what I did.  Maybe your forgiveness wouldn’t ease my nightmares.  But even we can’t change the past.  We can only learn to live with it.”  Loki regards the other god, his green eyes sad.  “Do you really want to hate me forever?”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t want to see you poisoned by your own hatred.  It’s destroying you, even I can see that.  Why can’t you?”

“You’re only assuming that I don’t see it.  You haven’t realized that I just don’t care.”

Loki frowns.  “This isn’t like you.”

“This wasn’t like me, maybe.  But you were the one who destroyed the white god, the gentle, trusting person that I was.  You made me what I am.”

Frustration creeps back into the trickster god’s voice.  “And I tell you that I would give up every hope I hold of ever seeing Asgard again if I could go back in time and undo that moment!”

“Why do you want my forgiveness so badly?”

“I told you I’m not asking for your forgiveness.”

“I didn’t say you were asking for it, I said you want it.”

A pause.  “It’s true that I would be glad to hear you say you forgave me.  But you’re telling me that’s never going to happen.”

“Then we understand one another.”

“Dammit, Heimdall, why won’t you at least listen to me?  You’ve rejected every single thing I’ve said since I walked through that door.  I don’t know how to argue with your refusal to believe that what I’m saying might be true.”

“Maybe in the future you won’t waste my time trying, then.”

Narrow shoulders bow in defeat.  “Is this how it’s always going to be, then?  You hating me and me wishing you didn’t?”

“I can’t forgive and I can’t forget, Loki.  There are some things that even time cannot erase.”

“I see.”  Resignation and sorrow tint the quiet reply, and the god turns and walks away.

He’s almost to the door when a hand grabs him by the shoulder and roughly turns him around.  One crimson eye narrows on seeing tears tracking down the childish face.

“If there’s one thing you’ve taught me, Loki, it’s that words mean nothing, especially coming from you.  You want my forgiveness?  Show me how much.  You regret what you did?  Prove it to me.  Make me believe.  Then we’ll talk.”

Green eyes harden with determination, and the redheaded deity nods solemnly before gracefully kneeling.  The violet-haired god warily regards his visitor, clearly not having expected an immediate response.

“Take my eye.  Take them both, if that’s what it takes to make things right between us.  If revenge will make you feel better, then take your revenge.”

The guardian’s remaining eye widens at the unexpected offer, and for a moment there is neither movement nor sound in the small room.  Then a glove is slowly removed, and one clawed hand comes to rest almost gently over the eye of the kneeling god.  Loki does not flinch, his features set in calm acceptance of whatever fate the other may decide.  Sharp-nailed fingers begin to press in, drawing blood, and still he does not move.

So resigned is he that it comes as a surprise when the hand suddenly slips to one side, claws raking viciously down his cheek instead of their original target, as a cry of anger shatters the waiting silence.

“Damn you, Loki!”  The guardian stands over the bleeding deity, shaking with rage and pain.  Tears flow, unnoticed, from his lone eye as he strikes wildly at the kneeling god.  His victim accepts the blows quietly, without protest and without flinching.

It takes surprisingly little time for Heimdall’s fury to spend itself.  When he can rage no longer, he turns and walks to the window. 

Behind him, Loki wearily climbs to his feet.  Ignoring the blood running down his face, he regards the other deity.  He knows it would be better to leave, but something inside of him hesitates.  Cautiously, he walks across the room to where the watcher is standing.

“Get out.”  The low voice is thick with pain.

He knows he should respect Heimdall’s wishes, knows that to do otherwise is to invite further wrath from the god he has already hurt too much.  But he is so very tired of having so much pain between them, tired of seeing so much time wasted on hatred when this world has so much else to offer.  Tentatively, he reaches out a hand to lay gently on one shaking shoulder.

“I said get out.”  The pain is sharper, but there is no real anger left.  The shoulders tense, but the other does not pull away.  The shiver of muscles beneath his hand tells Loki that he is walking a very fine line indeed.  The slightest wrong move would cause terrible damage, but he also knows that if he is careful, they can begin to heal - and that knowledge is too powerful to resist.

Taking a step forward to stand beside the other god, he regards the sharp profile for a moment before reaching his spare hand to brush a tear from the soft cheek.  The light touch is greeted with a flinch, but resignation now accompanies the pain in the tired voice.

“You’re not going to go away, are you?”

“No.”

Though a bit surer of himself, he is still cautious as he wraps his arms around the thin shoulders.  There is an anxious moment, then the guardian sighs and leans against him.  When he speaks, his voice is very soft.

“I still hate you, you know.” 

Loki’s reply is equally quiet.

“I know.” 


End file.
